Behind the smile

 

Behind the sweet smile.

It took close to an hour to get my 91 year old mum-in law dressed.

I would say it required team effort, together with the help of her grandson and granddaughter.

We laid the new clothes on her bed. In between the process, she will ask a host of questions or make seemingly valid comments. 

Why do I need to change ?

This is not my clothes.

Let me go to the washroom first.

I don’t want to change ! (looking at you in fear and holding tight to her clothes she’s wearing)

What is wrong with what I’m wearing now ?

Have you cooked dinner ? (walking out to the kitchen and opening the pots and pans)

It’s getting late.

If left on her own, she would have folded the prepared clothes and hung it back neatly into the cupboard and walked out of the room to take a cup of water, oblivious to all that had taken place seconds ago.

Yes, it is true and real for someone who struggles with dementia. Every second is a whole new activity or event. They have no recollection of what had happened minutes before. Each of these questions can be repeated more than 5 times, to 3 different people within a span of 30 minutes.

It was Mother’s Day (a super delayed post) and our family were preparing her for dinner and a simple celebration.

We wanted to capture the moment that will soon become insignificant to her the next minute but lasting memory for the next generation to cherish.

On some days she can’t differentiate between day and night.  Mentally is challenging. The frustration becomes a norm at varying degrees, every day and sometimes every few hours. It is truly by God’s sufficient grace and strength that we are able to see beyond the challenges and be thankful for life itself.

She loves to be praised. We tried persuading and encouraging her to change into something prettier for photo taking, emphasizing how pretty she would look.

Finally, we managed to have a meaningful dinner, celebrated with a delish matcha cake and memories captured in our hearts. Due to the occasional disassociation with time and place, she had to be reminded and assured that this is her home and led her to her room to settle down. (there are visible family photos and her name engraved on a frame placed in her room for familiarity).  

It was indeed exhausting but seeing her laughing at the crazy photo taking moments and enjoying the cake, makes it all worthwhile. At least for that little window of time we have, before she retreats into her own world again.